Nothing

Tough month. Just in a span of days, my world changed. I am weak, I know.

I couldn't care less about politics, really. What I care about is the attitude portrayed and the treatment received whether by leaders or citizens. Same for church, company, family or any social unit. It's emotional selling, yes but it moves people.

Grandma fell and broke her hip, got operated on, and now cancer relapsed after a decade. A colleague's dad dropped dead just 30 minutes before she reached home last night. Pat's grandpa slipped into coma and beyond rather quickly. My dad has small issues here and there but none as terminal as his stubborn streak and it's hereditary too. Dang.

Such a feeling coming over me... There is insecurity in everything I see. It makes me wonder about the emotional and financial support as I age and what I'd do when it comes to the crunch. As little trouble for others as possible. Gonna start writing my will.

I am aware how easily forgotten I can be to some people... I just didn't expect to experience it to the degree of insult. "我到底是有多透明啊?" I exclaimed. And then I shut my gap. Maybe there's a lesson for me here. Another sees me as a fool and took me for a ride. Ah, another lesson. Another forgot how my hand was readily available when company and counsel was needed, and now views me more like a competitor. Pragmatism rules.

Maybe I ain't weak, I'm just pure foolish.

O life, you make me play by your rules and you make me shudder. You carry on without asking if I want to. I know how lonely you can be and maybe that explains your sadism. Just be fair, or should I say fairer? I am so wasting my breath.